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Some young people convince their parents to "arrange" their marriages to people with whom they have fallen in love. Nayar wrote in the Encyclopedia of Sexuality: “Although the tradition of arranged marriages has a practical value in preserving family traditions and values, it encounters some opposition as young Indian men and women learn of the Western tradition of romance and love. Most Indian men and women attending college outside India are careful not to compromise their prospects back home by letting their family or parents know they have dated a foreigner. Caste, income levels, education and astrology are all taken into consideration. Indians believe mismatched stars can cause a lifetime of trouble.
[Source: Library of Congress] The days when arranged marriages involved parents decreeing who would marry whom and then haggling over the dowry are largely gone among the middle class. In much of India, especially in the north, a marriage establishes a structural opposition between the kin groups of the bride and groom--bride-givers and bride-takers.
Even so arranged marriages have a very high success rate.
There are fewer divorces with arranged marriages than with love marriages based on the fact there are relatively low divorce rates in countries with arranged marriages and high divorce rates in countries with love marriages.
Couples look forward to the future as an opportunity for their relationship to grow and love to develop.
Partners are not expected to be great lovers and soul mates but rather people who are reliable and complementary.
In the upper classes, these semi-arranged love marriages increasingly occur between young people who are from castes of slightly different rank but who are educationally or professionally equal.
If there are vast differences to overcome, such as is the case with love marriages between Hindus and Muslims or between Hindus of very different caste status, parents are usually much less agreeable, and serious family disruptions can result.* Explaining why he entered a marriage arranged by his mother, one Indian-born, American-educated Rajput man living in New York, told the New York Times, "I had mixed feelings with the concept.
I trusted my parents.” Although the vast majority of Indian marriages continue to be arranged by parents, Westernized "love" marriages are on the rise. 4) A girls parents looking for alliances for their daughter see a not good looking but fair guy: "What a handsome boy!
Parents are often regarded as better judges of character, common interests and comparability than the prospective partners themselves.
This process has long been possible for Indians from the south and for Muslims who want to marry a particular cousin of the appropriate marriageable category.
I didn't think I would necessarily go through with it.
But my reservations got pushed to the side when I met her. Fitting in to a family with ties that are several time zones away could be to much to ask." One young Indian-American man told Newsday, "My parents are the two people in the world who know me best, both my strengths and weaknesses.